I MISS YOU

fffffff 28 minutes!

Update: Feeling a lot better. Though yesterday I went to the doctors and they said I had a shit ton of gas in me. So now i'm constipated. Woopie.

Not feeling well. Will not be actively online for a couple days.

Its quite odd how quickly a mood can change. You feel great one minute, then out of nowhere sadness or anger takes control of you. I just find it most interesting. I am noticing that I am slowly distancing myself from people. I honestly don't know why, but its like I feel unusual. Or some may say "out of character." I literally wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about why I am coming to disliking people so much. It almost makes me laugh because I'm the most social thing ever. But eh. I mean, I'm not the only one experiencing it so i'm not dying.

I think I might have FINALLY found a fursona...

love my gay reindeer!

t o ll

A piece of my story I am currently constructing:



Defenseless
(Historical Fiction)

“We are never so defenseless against suffering when we love.” - Sigmund Freud



Summer’s Autumn


It was late June of the year 1940. A particularly rough time in history for Earth’s Jewish people. The Nazis now had been raiding through every city in Germany for almost ten years. The streets were now hollow sources of transportation, empty pipelines to everyone. There was never any busy conversations about what stores to shop at and the “finest places in town.” It was more conversation as to finding safe places and parent’s “don’t go out alone” warnings. The Jewish were never found roaming anywhere like they were in the past. Even the best tracker wouldn’t be able to spot one since they were almost an extinct species. One would consider Jews as if they were like a rare jewel. No one really saw their pale, religious faces, because one sight or interaction with a Jew and the Nazis were raging with violence and shooting at your door. So living grounded was a favorite option for most.
However, not everyone was in complete hiding. The non-Jewish children and families were thriving in their spoiled houses and gauty parties. These were particularly Nazi families who were still strict about their children participating in schooling activities. Even so, not even half the class attendance would be present.
Stefan Jürgen was an handsome, rambunctious 15 year old. He was the proud son of the Nazi’s famously adored General. Stefan would prance around school and boast about his father’s achievements: “Hey Stefan, why not talk some about yourself huh? What have you done that is sooo great?” A snobby thick classmate asked sarcastically. Stefan, of course, made up a story about some courageous saving of his friend Jodi Günter. Most of his classmates did not have time for his unamusing stories, but the girls sat and awed his fabricated lies.
Stefan’s family was one unique story itself. His mother is a fine maiden indeed. A beautiful German model who managed to gain the absolute trust of the most hated man around the world, Adolf Hitler. He was exceptionally fond of her figure, always having his eyes fixed upon her stature. However, this did not irritate or bother Stefan’s father. For he “respected” Hitler too much to disapprove of any of the leader’s likings. Even as a Nazi son himself, this always made Stefan uneasy about things, especially his parent’s relationship. Stefan had a twin sister, Sofia. She was just as boastful, if not more, about her father’s marvelous achievements. She was known as the prettiest girl in school, but her grades lowered her standard by quite some bit. However, her close friend (Who happens to be a family friend as well) is the smartest to be known. Mila was also very beautiful to the eye. Her smile was especially bold; making people feel as though there were never any deaths and sorrow or even weeping in the streets of Germany. She was certainly a man’s favorite picture.
An early brisk Autumn breeze weaved its way through Mila’s hair as she attempted to lay the thick, dark brown strands back behind her ear: “It’s quite cold for it to be early autumn don’t you think Stefan?” She asked as the two walked at a steady pace down the rugged dirt road. “Eh, I don’t know. I kinda wish it was winter. That way the snow would blanket the fields and roads so we don’t have to walk 3 miles everyday to the same old manipulating building.” Stefan hated going to school because all they ever taught were Nazi specific programs. The two continued their slightly wilted walks until they came upon a figure in the near distance. It seemed as if it the shape fitted a small boy. His clothes were drenched and his hair was ragged. He looked as though he was barely even alive. A slight noise in the distance scared the boy off into the tall, thick pasture grass. Loud yelling in German surrounded the fields, causing Stefan and Mila to frantically pivot their heads in every direction. Suddenly, a vicious dog chased across the road in the boy’s direction and was soon followed by a group of furious Nazis. The horrid sounds of ripping flesh, shrieks, and screams exploded into the air. Mila looked down in disappointment as cheers and praises came from the cursing Nazi men. A bone-dry sigh was expressed from Stefan as he pulled Mila away from the nearby scene and into the school’s direction.
When Stefan and Mila arrived at their school yard, Nazi military tanks were scattered around the building. There were children screaming with joy, climbing all over the war machines like they were old fallen trees in the woods. Nazis using highly dangerous weapons to captivate the minds of children was quite surprising to Mila, but not Stefan. He had been used to it since his father, when Stefan was young, let him play with an unloaded pistol.
Isolated and alone, Stefan’s best friend, Jodi stood by the school’s doorway. His pale skin and pitch black hair made him stand out from any crowd; so he was always the easiest to spot. Stefan, along with Mila, enthusiastically ran over to their quiet friend. Stefan carelessly hit Jodi in a friendly jester on his back: “Hey there friend!” Jodi’s look of irritation gave laughter to the small group of friends. Jodi massaged his back from the friendly pat he received: “Do you really have to hit that hard?-- And why are you guys so late anyway?”  “Well there was a bit of a road block.” Stefan said while slowly eyeballing Mila. As their school day came to an end, Stefan, Jodi, and Mila packed their books and began to head home.
Mila kicked rocks in a stiff-like manner. Her eyes focused themselves on the small pebble as she spoke. “You know what?” She asked. Stefan looked over, replying, “What?...” “I don’t get why everyone thinks us Nazis are bad?”“Because we kill people.” Jodi said ironically.“Well they are trying to kill us first. So its a line of self defense that we are doing.”Mila looked over to Stefan hoping he would agree. He simply shook his head and looked in the opposite direction. For a few moments, they were quiet until one by one their heads turned behind them, responding to a familiar voice in the distance. Their bodies displayed hesitant movements as they were unsure of what exactly the sound was. As the dust from the dirt road cleared, they saw a girl stumble over her feet while desperately trying to run. However, this wasn’t just any girl-- it was Sofia.
Stefan ran towards his terrified sister. Mila and Jodi slowly faded away from Stefan as their feet were stuck frozen to the ground. Sofia’s terror and fear became Stefan’s. As the two were not so far from reaching one another, a loud, ear aching sound was fired. Sofia’s back arched as if she were 80 years older. Her knees staggered into the ground and her face lost every type of expression; as did Stefan’s. He caught his sister as she fell to the ground. His friends far behind continued to stand with cold expressions, while everything seemed to come to a halt. The leaves turned grey and the trees began to wilt at an insane rate. Stefan was speechless as his sister coughed pounds and pounds of blood. His eyes did nothing but wonder all over her with lost and confused movements. Her clothes soaked and stained his blue pants to a deep red. “Sofia…” he continued,“I--”“Its okay Stefan,” she choked.“But...why?”“I did something wrong. But it was worth it.”She lied lifeless on the ground as her choking finally ceased itself. In the shadows of the trees, a small Jewish girl stared at Stefan’s dead sister. Stefan notice the small girl wearing his sister’s scarf. She glanced at Stefan as the two exchanged their emotions. When the Nazi soldier, who shot Sofia, arrived to a dead corpse, the little girl was frightened away and dashed into the woods.  
The soldier who pulled the trigger appeared to be the most brutal of men. He was obviously a true killer. He was plastered at the moment as well, only making the situation more irated. The man roughly yanked Stefan’s arm away from his sister’s corpse: “NO! Let me go you Nazi!” As Stefan was thrown to the ground, Mila and Jodi hurriedly ran over to lift him. The man pointed his FN Model 1922 pistol at the young teens: “Was hast du gesagt?” A moment’s silence spread before Stefan spit at the man’s shoe, wiping his mouth from the saliva residue. The man preformed a pop of the neck and grabbed Stefan by the collar: “What did you say?” He asked again. At this point, Stefan was too shaken and traumatized to answer. The vile man placed his pistol on Stefan’s forehead, but before he could pull the trigger, Jodi bashed his head with a fairly large rock. As the three stood there, heavy in breathing, Jodi began to freak out saying, “Oh my gosh. Did I just kill him? Oh man...I just killed a Nazi. Im done, my life is over. Holy mother may! My mom is going to strangle me with the pig’s potato bag!” Darkness arrived and Mila pulled Stefan to his feet. As the three began to run home terrified yet somewhat relieved, a moment was shared between Stefan’s sister’s stone eyes and his.
Over the next couple months, nothing about the incident with the Nazi man was spoken of. To be honest, nothing was really spoken at all. Stefan barely talked to anyone, only gave eye contacts, which expressed his whole natural state. His two friends tried to comfort him, but he wanted nothing to do with any type of companionship now that his sister was deceased. Everyday he would walk to the childhood tree that him and his sister climbed on in their small days. A smile would always reveal itself when he thought too much about it. However, like many broken souls, the smiles soon turn to tears of broken love.
Stefan became severely depressed. His weight and body frame staggered down significantly; his face looked as though it was hit by a ton of bricks. The sight of a dead friend was enough for Mila and Jodi and they were not going to let Stefan himself rot in sorrows: “Okay Stefan, get up.” Demanded Jodi. Stefan’s indolent body wilted upward and he grunted as a sign of him being vexed by his friends. “Alright twerp. Let’s start you off with some exercises.” Jodi awkwardly began to attempt doing jumping jacks. His delicate, unusual positioning was far from ordinary, but it gave Stefan a good chuckle. Mila noticed the sign of actual emotion and she too decided to perform jumping jacks, except she purposely executed hers in a goofy fashion in order to give Stefan another good laugh. The three were laughing hysterically in Stefan’s room when his mother happened to pass by. She noticed their giddy behavior and her eyes lightened for the first time in months. Her frowned mouth soon formed the fixture of a soft smile. This has been the first sight of happiness throughout the entire town for months. It was quite something special these three-- indeed it was.

Unusual Visitors

What had happened to Sofia was a tragedy, but was soon pushed aside in order to let life continue. However, what had happened that night was not entirely over, someone still followed the small group of friends around town...possibly seeking for revenge.

Made some chars. Might trade for some art of meh fursona (Jedi). Or for free Idk yet..